Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Together, Finally
July 3rd, 2010
Happy Summer!! So sorry for the absence...we've had a wonderful summer together as a family and I just couldn't pull myself away from them to type on a computer! I promise I'll be better from now on!
We've been at the beach for two weeks now, and I've had some wonderful time to reflect as I do one of my favorite things in the world...walk on the beach. Here are some of the thoughts that have been bumping around my head.
Since that rocky start last April, our lives, as a transracial family, have grown to feel exactly right. (Yes, I've started using the word transracial. And proudly at that!) Though no one will mistake the boy sitting next to me for my offspring, he certainly feels like my son. A brown child has become familial, so brown children are now familiar. No, we don't look like the families you see on Swiffer commercials or read about in Southern Living. But, we are a family. We are our own family. And we are a beautiful one.
In the first stages of being a family created by transracial adoption, we were aware of how different from our son we looked. As time has progressed and the emotional cement of family has hardened, we feel unified (even though the world does not always see us as belonging together). Looking nothing like my child causes questions and looks, but it holds no charge as a threat. We are family. Having said that, it is also true that we take great delight in discovering the ways we resemble one another. When people say that my son and I have the same smile, my smile gets even bigger.
Every day is a journey. And every day takes patience and a tough skin. I don't know what the future holds. I know there will be tough times ahead, but I also know there will be love, laughter, and happiness. I have been blessed with the most extraordinary family I could've ever dreamed of. No, we didn't come together in the most conventional of ways. But we came together. We were meant to be together. And I couldn't be happier about it!
I hope you continue to follow us along our journey. I'm not sure which way our path will lead...but I promise to bring you along!
Happy Summer!! So sorry for the absence...we've had a wonderful summer together as a family and I just couldn't pull myself away from them to type on a computer! I promise I'll be better from now on!
We've been at the beach for two weeks now, and I've had some wonderful time to reflect as I do one of my favorite things in the world...walk on the beach. Here are some of the thoughts that have been bumping around my head.
Since that rocky start last April, our lives, as a transracial family, have grown to feel exactly right. (Yes, I've started using the word transracial. And proudly at that!) Though no one will mistake the boy sitting next to me for my offspring, he certainly feels like my son. A brown child has become familial, so brown children are now familiar. No, we don't look like the families you see on Swiffer commercials or read about in Southern Living. But, we are a family. We are our own family. And we are a beautiful one.
In the first stages of being a family created by transracial adoption, we were aware of how different from our son we looked. As time has progressed and the emotional cement of family has hardened, we feel unified (even though the world does not always see us as belonging together). Looking nothing like my child causes questions and looks, but it holds no charge as a threat. We are family. Having said that, it is also true that we take great delight in discovering the ways we resemble one another. When people say that my son and I have the same smile, my smile gets even bigger.
Every day is a journey. And every day takes patience and a tough skin. I don't know what the future holds. I know there will be tough times ahead, but I also know there will be love, laughter, and happiness. I have been blessed with the most extraordinary family I could've ever dreamed of. No, we didn't come together in the most conventional of ways. But we came together. We were meant to be together. And I couldn't be happier about it!
I hope you continue to follow us along our journey. I'm not sure which way our path will lead...but I promise to bring you along!
Adjustments
May 10th, 2010
I've been noticing that Carter and Ben are having trouble adjusting to Benjamin's presence. I'm not exactly sure why though. I've been watching them pretty closely over the past few weeks. Having a new addition to a family is a huge change...having such a unique new addition to a family is something all together. I can't quite figure out if they are struggling with the idea of having a new sibling or having a new sibling of a different race. Neither of them seem to be taking to Benjamin very fondly. They never want to hold him or feed him or even play with him. They've become very distant from Ben and myself, and it has us both worried.
I never want my children to feel unloved in any way. The majority of mine and Ben's attention has lately gone to Benjamin. I will admit, I haven't done the greatest job of attending to my older children's needs as I should. I've been consumed with baby duties and am struggling to fit everything in. I feel like I've neglected Carter and Ben in some ways, and it kills me. Absolutely kills me.
I've been noticing that Carter and Ben are having trouble adjusting to Benjamin's presence. I'm not exactly sure why though. I've been watching them pretty closely over the past few weeks. Having a new addition to a family is a huge change...having such a unique new addition to a family is something all together. I can't quite figure out if they are struggling with the idea of having a new sibling or having a new sibling of a different race. Neither of them seem to be taking to Benjamin very fondly. They never want to hold him or feed him or even play with him. They've become very distant from Ben and myself, and it has us both worried.
I never want my children to feel unloved in any way. The majority of mine and Ben's attention has lately gone to Benjamin. I will admit, I haven't done the greatest job of attending to my older children's needs as I should. I've been consumed with baby duties and am struggling to fit everything in. I feel like I've neglected Carter and Ben in some ways, and it kills me. Absolutely kills me.
Benjamin Adisa Marshall
An official introduction!
Benjamin Adisa Marshall
Born March 29th, 2010
8 lbs, 6 oz
We chose the name Benjamin because we wanted him to have a family name. Ben has always wanted to name a son after his father and himself so he finally got the chance!
Adisa was Benjamin's birth mother's name. We thought it was a beautiful name and a meaningful way for Benjamin to carry his birth mother with him forever.
Isn't he just perfect?!
Benjamin Adisa Marshall
Born March 29th, 2010
8 lbs, 6 oz
We chose the name Benjamin because we wanted him to have a family name. Ben has always wanted to name a son after his father and himself so he finally got the chance!
Adisa was Benjamin's birth mother's name. We thought it was a beautiful name and a meaningful way for Benjamin to carry his birth mother with him forever.
Isn't he just perfect?!
Benjamin
April 23rd, 2010
I'm so sorry I've been MIA for a few days, but things have been beautifully hectic over here! Let me do a recap.
I felt like a bigot when I first laid eyes on my son. “He’s so dark,” I thought, and felt ashamed for thinking it. My gut reaction was fueled by gut fear. I was pretty sure I had taken on more than I could handle. Adoption of a white kid would have been enough of a stretch, but we had to go for a baby that came not only out of someone else’s body, but out of someone else’s culture. What kind of pseudo-Peace Corps types were we pretending to be? All I could think was that we were too white to be the parents of someone this black.
All that changed within a matter of seconds. As soon as that little baby was passed into my arms, I knew he was exactly where he should be. His color didn't matter. He could be green for all I cared. He was finally where he belonged. We were finally where we belonged.
The last few days have been absolute chaos. People coming in, schedules changing, babies crying. It's been nuts. But I've loved every second of it.
Speaking of, I hear someone waking up from a nap....be back soon!
I'm so sorry I've been MIA for a few days, but things have been beautifully hectic over here! Let me do a recap.
I felt like a bigot when I first laid eyes on my son. “He’s so dark,” I thought, and felt ashamed for thinking it. My gut reaction was fueled by gut fear. I was pretty sure I had taken on more than I could handle. Adoption of a white kid would have been enough of a stretch, but we had to go for a baby that came not only out of someone else’s body, but out of someone else’s culture. What kind of pseudo-Peace Corps types were we pretending to be? All I could think was that we were too white to be the parents of someone this black.
All that changed within a matter of seconds. As soon as that little baby was passed into my arms, I knew he was exactly where he should be. His color didn't matter. He could be green for all I cared. He was finally where he belonged. We were finally where we belonged.
The last few days have been absolute chaos. People coming in, schedules changing, babies crying. It's been nuts. But I've loved every second of it.
Speaking of, I hear someone waking up from a nap....be back soon!
On the Ups
April 13th, 2010
Yesterday was a low day. One of the lowest I've had. I spent the afternoon in a ball of tears and worry. But, I prayed about it, talked to Ben about it, and even meditated about it. I realize that this is not going to be an easy journey. Nothing is. There are going to be hard days, like yesterday, and there are going to be wonderful days. I know I'm doing this for a reason. I know that this baby needs our family. It needs our unconditional love and care. It needs us. And we need it. I already feel like this baby is my own, and I haven't even laid eyes on him.
Yes, I said him. We will be receiving a beautiful baby boy from Nairobi, Africa in exactly 3 days. He has been in an orphanage for the past 2 weeks. His mother died during child birth, and he has no other living relatives. Except for us. We are now his relatives. His family.
Yesterday was a low day. One of the lowest I've had. I spent the afternoon in a ball of tears and worry. But, I prayed about it, talked to Ben about it, and even meditated about it. I realize that this is not going to be an easy journey. Nothing is. There are going to be hard days, like yesterday, and there are going to be wonderful days. I know I'm doing this for a reason. I know that this baby needs our family. It needs our unconditional love and care. It needs us. And we need it. I already feel like this baby is my own, and I haven't even laid eyes on him.
Yes, I said him. We will be receiving a beautiful baby boy from Nairobi, Africa in exactly 3 days. He has been in an orphanage for the past 2 weeks. His mother died during child birth, and he has no other living relatives. Except for us. We are now his relatives. His family.
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