Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Together, Finally
July 3rd, 2010
Happy Summer!! So sorry for the absence...we've had a wonderful summer together as a family and I just couldn't pull myself away from them to type on a computer! I promise I'll be better from now on!
We've been at the beach for two weeks now, and I've had some wonderful time to reflect as I do one of my favorite things in the world...walk on the beach. Here are some of the thoughts that have been bumping around my head.
Since that rocky start last April, our lives, as a transracial family, have grown to feel exactly right. (Yes, I've started using the word transracial. And proudly at that!) Though no one will mistake the boy sitting next to me for my offspring, he certainly feels like my son. A brown child has become familial, so brown children are now familiar. No, we don't look like the families you see on Swiffer commercials or read about in Southern Living. But, we are a family. We are our own family. And we are a beautiful one.
In the first stages of being a family created by transracial adoption, we were aware of how different from our son we looked. As time has progressed and the emotional cement of family has hardened, we feel unified (even though the world does not always see us as belonging together). Looking nothing like my child causes questions and looks, but it holds no charge as a threat. We are family. Having said that, it is also true that we take great delight in discovering the ways we resemble one another. When people say that my son and I have the same smile, my smile gets even bigger.
Every day is a journey. And every day takes patience and a tough skin. I don't know what the future holds. I know there will be tough times ahead, but I also know there will be love, laughter, and happiness. I have been blessed with the most extraordinary family I could've ever dreamed of. No, we didn't come together in the most conventional of ways. But we came together. We were meant to be together. And I couldn't be happier about it!
I hope you continue to follow us along our journey. I'm not sure which way our path will lead...but I promise to bring you along!
Happy Summer!! So sorry for the absence...we've had a wonderful summer together as a family and I just couldn't pull myself away from them to type on a computer! I promise I'll be better from now on!
We've been at the beach for two weeks now, and I've had some wonderful time to reflect as I do one of my favorite things in the world...walk on the beach. Here are some of the thoughts that have been bumping around my head.
Since that rocky start last April, our lives, as a transracial family, have grown to feel exactly right. (Yes, I've started using the word transracial. And proudly at that!) Though no one will mistake the boy sitting next to me for my offspring, he certainly feels like my son. A brown child has become familial, so brown children are now familiar. No, we don't look like the families you see on Swiffer commercials or read about in Southern Living. But, we are a family. We are our own family. And we are a beautiful one.
In the first stages of being a family created by transracial adoption, we were aware of how different from our son we looked. As time has progressed and the emotional cement of family has hardened, we feel unified (even though the world does not always see us as belonging together). Looking nothing like my child causes questions and looks, but it holds no charge as a threat. We are family. Having said that, it is also true that we take great delight in discovering the ways we resemble one another. When people say that my son and I have the same smile, my smile gets even bigger.
Every day is a journey. And every day takes patience and a tough skin. I don't know what the future holds. I know there will be tough times ahead, but I also know there will be love, laughter, and happiness. I have been blessed with the most extraordinary family I could've ever dreamed of. No, we didn't come together in the most conventional of ways. But we came together. We were meant to be together. And I couldn't be happier about it!
I hope you continue to follow us along our journey. I'm not sure which way our path will lead...but I promise to bring you along!
Adjustments
May 10th, 2010
I've been noticing that Carter and Ben are having trouble adjusting to Benjamin's presence. I'm not exactly sure why though. I've been watching them pretty closely over the past few weeks. Having a new addition to a family is a huge change...having such a unique new addition to a family is something all together. I can't quite figure out if they are struggling with the idea of having a new sibling or having a new sibling of a different race. Neither of them seem to be taking to Benjamin very fondly. They never want to hold him or feed him or even play with him. They've become very distant from Ben and myself, and it has us both worried.
I never want my children to feel unloved in any way. The majority of mine and Ben's attention has lately gone to Benjamin. I will admit, I haven't done the greatest job of attending to my older children's needs as I should. I've been consumed with baby duties and am struggling to fit everything in. I feel like I've neglected Carter and Ben in some ways, and it kills me. Absolutely kills me.
I've been noticing that Carter and Ben are having trouble adjusting to Benjamin's presence. I'm not exactly sure why though. I've been watching them pretty closely over the past few weeks. Having a new addition to a family is a huge change...having such a unique new addition to a family is something all together. I can't quite figure out if they are struggling with the idea of having a new sibling or having a new sibling of a different race. Neither of them seem to be taking to Benjamin very fondly. They never want to hold him or feed him or even play with him. They've become very distant from Ben and myself, and it has us both worried.
I never want my children to feel unloved in any way. The majority of mine and Ben's attention has lately gone to Benjamin. I will admit, I haven't done the greatest job of attending to my older children's needs as I should. I've been consumed with baby duties and am struggling to fit everything in. I feel like I've neglected Carter and Ben in some ways, and it kills me. Absolutely kills me.
Benjamin Adisa Marshall
An official introduction!
Benjamin Adisa Marshall
Born March 29th, 2010
8 lbs, 6 oz
We chose the name Benjamin because we wanted him to have a family name. Ben has always wanted to name a son after his father and himself so he finally got the chance!
Adisa was Benjamin's birth mother's name. We thought it was a beautiful name and a meaningful way for Benjamin to carry his birth mother with him forever.
Isn't he just perfect?!
Benjamin Adisa Marshall
Born March 29th, 2010
8 lbs, 6 oz
We chose the name Benjamin because we wanted him to have a family name. Ben has always wanted to name a son after his father and himself so he finally got the chance!
Adisa was Benjamin's birth mother's name. We thought it was a beautiful name and a meaningful way for Benjamin to carry his birth mother with him forever.
Isn't he just perfect?!
Benjamin
April 23rd, 2010
I'm so sorry I've been MIA for a few days, but things have been beautifully hectic over here! Let me do a recap.
I felt like a bigot when I first laid eyes on my son. “He’s so dark,” I thought, and felt ashamed for thinking it. My gut reaction was fueled by gut fear. I was pretty sure I had taken on more than I could handle. Adoption of a white kid would have been enough of a stretch, but we had to go for a baby that came not only out of someone else’s body, but out of someone else’s culture. What kind of pseudo-Peace Corps types were we pretending to be? All I could think was that we were too white to be the parents of someone this black.
All that changed within a matter of seconds. As soon as that little baby was passed into my arms, I knew he was exactly where he should be. His color didn't matter. He could be green for all I cared. He was finally where he belonged. We were finally where we belonged.
The last few days have been absolute chaos. People coming in, schedules changing, babies crying. It's been nuts. But I've loved every second of it.
Speaking of, I hear someone waking up from a nap....be back soon!
I'm so sorry I've been MIA for a few days, but things have been beautifully hectic over here! Let me do a recap.
I felt like a bigot when I first laid eyes on my son. “He’s so dark,” I thought, and felt ashamed for thinking it. My gut reaction was fueled by gut fear. I was pretty sure I had taken on more than I could handle. Adoption of a white kid would have been enough of a stretch, but we had to go for a baby that came not only out of someone else’s body, but out of someone else’s culture. What kind of pseudo-Peace Corps types were we pretending to be? All I could think was that we were too white to be the parents of someone this black.
All that changed within a matter of seconds. As soon as that little baby was passed into my arms, I knew he was exactly where he should be. His color didn't matter. He could be green for all I cared. He was finally where he belonged. We were finally where we belonged.
The last few days have been absolute chaos. People coming in, schedules changing, babies crying. It's been nuts. But I've loved every second of it.
Speaking of, I hear someone waking up from a nap....be back soon!
On the Ups
April 13th, 2010
Yesterday was a low day. One of the lowest I've had. I spent the afternoon in a ball of tears and worry. But, I prayed about it, talked to Ben about it, and even meditated about it. I realize that this is not going to be an easy journey. Nothing is. There are going to be hard days, like yesterday, and there are going to be wonderful days. I know I'm doing this for a reason. I know that this baby needs our family. It needs our unconditional love and care. It needs us. And we need it. I already feel like this baby is my own, and I haven't even laid eyes on him.
Yes, I said him. We will be receiving a beautiful baby boy from Nairobi, Africa in exactly 3 days. He has been in an orphanage for the past 2 weeks. His mother died during child birth, and he has no other living relatives. Except for us. We are now his relatives. His family.
Yesterday was a low day. One of the lowest I've had. I spent the afternoon in a ball of tears and worry. But, I prayed about it, talked to Ben about it, and even meditated about it. I realize that this is not going to be an easy journey. Nothing is. There are going to be hard days, like yesterday, and there are going to be wonderful days. I know I'm doing this for a reason. I know that this baby needs our family. It needs our unconditional love and care. It needs us. And we need it. I already feel like this baby is my own, and I haven't even laid eyes on him.
Yes, I said him. We will be receiving a beautiful baby boy from Nairobi, Africa in exactly 3 days. He has been in an orphanage for the past 2 weeks. His mother died during child birth, and he has no other living relatives. Except for us. We are now his relatives. His family.
Doubts
April 12th, 2010
I can't do it. I'm inches away from picking up the phone and calling the whole thing off. Who do I think I am? This child is going to face so many difficulties in life. Difficulties that will render me useless. What do I know about African culture? What do I say to him when he comes home one day crying because some little snot ball called me a n*gger? How will I respond when he asks me why he doesn't look like his mommy or daddy or sister or brother?
I just can't.
I can't.
Can't.
I can't do it. I'm inches away from picking up the phone and calling the whole thing off. Who do I think I am? This child is going to face so many difficulties in life. Difficulties that will render me useless. What do I know about African culture? What do I say to him when he comes home one day crying because some little snot ball called me a n*gger? How will I respond when he asks me why he doesn't look like his mommy or daddy or sister or brother?
I just can't.
I can't.
Can't.
The Stork is Coming!
April 5, 2010
We will officially be new parents exactly 10 days from today. I truly can't believe it. I feel so similar to how I felt when I was pregnant with Carter and Lucy. Those last few weeks are filled with anticipation and excitement. You know it's about to all change. Something more beautiful than you know is about to alter your world forever. That's exactly how I feel right now. I'm euphoric.
We will officially be new parents exactly 10 days from today. I truly can't believe it. I feel so similar to how I felt when I was pregnant with Carter and Lucy. Those last few weeks are filled with anticipation and excitement. You know it's about to all change. Something more beautiful than you know is about to alter your world forever. That's exactly how I feel right now. I'm euphoric.
Exciting News!
April 1, 2010
They have a baby for us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Details soon to come!!
I'm absolutely dying in excitement. Please pray that it all goes through this time. It just feels so right!!
They have a baby for us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Details soon to come!!
I'm absolutely dying in excitement. Please pray that it all goes through this time. It just feels so right!!
We Won't Match
March 23, 2010
Worry for the day---what will people think?
A white woman holding the hand of a little black boy prompts guessing: His social worker? His baby-sitter? His black father’s white girlfriend? His mother? (No, that couldn’t be.)
Pitiful, I know. But I told you I would be honest about my thoughts.
Worry for the day---what will people think?
A white woman holding the hand of a little black boy prompts guessing: His social worker? His baby-sitter? His black father’s white girlfriend? His mother? (No, that couldn’t be.)
Pitiful, I know. But I told you I would be honest about my thoughts.
March 12th, 2010
You might ask...why would you want to do this? Why not just adopt a baby that aesthetically fits into your family?
Well, that's a great question. I visited Africa when I was in college and simply fell in love with the country. It just clicked with me. I was fortunate enough to visit several of the townships (slums) and even stay with a family for a night in their small shack. I looked around at the hundreds of kids in this one township and saw that so many of them didn't have enough food, enough clothing, enough to live on. Many of them were living with people that weren't even their own family members. AIDS and HIV runs rampant in Africa as we all know. Millions of people die from it every year. Babies were left alone in the world due to this nasty disease. I just felt a tug at my heart that I could make a difference. Even if it was just a difference to one child...I could still do something.
Luckily, I was able to find a husband that shared my sentiments. We debated for years about whether or not to go through with an interracial adoption. It's a very tough decision and one we didn't take lightly. After years of going back and forth, we've finally made our decision. The paper work is completed, and now the waiting begins.
I decided to write this blog for several reasons. 1. I want my current children and my soon to be child to know every day how much they are loved. I want them to look back on this blog one day and be able to see in writing how much their mom and dad loved them. 2. I want to hopefully show to others what an interracial adoption is like. The good and the bad of it. Hopefully, my words will resonate with someone and bring them a sense of understanding if they are struggling with things I've struggled with. 3. This is going to be quite a journey...a journey through a black and white world....and I knew I would need an outlet.
You might ask...why would you want to do this? Why not just adopt a baby that aesthetically fits into your family?
Well, that's a great question. I visited Africa when I was in college and simply fell in love with the country. It just clicked with me. I was fortunate enough to visit several of the townships (slums) and even stay with a family for a night in their small shack. I looked around at the hundreds of kids in this one township and saw that so many of them didn't have enough food, enough clothing, enough to live on. Many of them were living with people that weren't even their own family members. AIDS and HIV runs rampant in Africa as we all know. Millions of people die from it every year. Babies were left alone in the world due to this nasty disease. I just felt a tug at my heart that I could make a difference. Even if it was just a difference to one child...I could still do something.
Luckily, I was able to find a husband that shared my sentiments. We debated for years about whether or not to go through with an interracial adoption. It's a very tough decision and one we didn't take lightly. After years of going back and forth, we've finally made our decision. The paper work is completed, and now the waiting begins.
I decided to write this blog for several reasons. 1. I want my current children and my soon to be child to know every day how much they are loved. I want them to look back on this blog one day and be able to see in writing how much their mom and dad loved them. 2. I want to hopefully show to others what an interracial adoption is like. The good and the bad of it. Hopefully, my words will resonate with someone and bring them a sense of understanding if they are struggling with things I've struggled with. 3. This is going to be quite a journey...a journey through a black and white world....and I knew I would need an outlet.
Welcome!
March 10th, 2010
Hello! And welcome to my blog. My name is Sarah. I am blessed to have a beautiful, loving family complete with a wonderful husband, Ben, and two perfect (or so I like to think) children, Carter (12) and Lucy (8). For the past 15 years that Ben and I have been married, I have felt completely fulfilled. I was blessed to find my perfect mate who fit me better than I ever could have imagined. After 3 years on our own, our lives were filled with the love of a new, healthy baby boy. How could life get any better? Well, it did with the arrival of our second healthy baby. I've loved being a mother more than I ever thought I would. My days are filled with stories, songs, hugs, laughter, and most of all, love.
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always dreamed of becoming a mother. It's truly been the greatest blessing of my life. My two children are more than I could have ever wished for. But, for as long as I can remember, I've always felt a nudge to do something special. To adopt. Recently, Ben and I have officially decided that we want to welcome an addition to our family. We haven't told the kids yet, but they know we've been thinking about this for sometime.
After much deliberation, we've decided to adopt a baby from Africa...
Hello! And welcome to my blog. My name is Sarah. I am blessed to have a beautiful, loving family complete with a wonderful husband, Ben, and two perfect (or so I like to think) children, Carter (12) and Lucy (8). For the past 15 years that Ben and I have been married, I have felt completely fulfilled. I was blessed to find my perfect mate who fit me better than I ever could have imagined. After 3 years on our own, our lives were filled with the love of a new, healthy baby boy. How could life get any better? Well, it did with the arrival of our second healthy baby. I've loved being a mother more than I ever thought I would. My days are filled with stories, songs, hugs, laughter, and most of all, love.
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always dreamed of becoming a mother. It's truly been the greatest blessing of my life. My two children are more than I could have ever wished for. But, for as long as I can remember, I've always felt a nudge to do something special. To adopt. Recently, Ben and I have officially decided that we want to welcome an addition to our family. We haven't told the kids yet, but they know we've been thinking about this for sometime.
After much deliberation, we've decided to adopt a baby from Africa...
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